Strangers

Strangers, but not quite.

Estranged is probably a better word now that self-imposed barriers are in place.

It's better like this, the dull hum, the level mind, the quiet heart.

It feels strange somehow to exchange words completely devoid of emotion; thoughts lacking any undertones. Using innocent conversation starters without subtext: Now "Hi" and "Hello" means just that.

Naughty suggestions, "What you doing?" whispered in a Joey Tribbiani voice become tricks of the past no longer used to initiate play. There is no place for frivolity and fun, you have become polite strangers saying "Please" and "Keep well" and "Take Care".

Neutral words make great barriers.

And Time tames crazy hearts:

"Promise me you'll stay this time and see this thing through!" Abby wrote to him in earnest, tired of the dance.

She doubted he was entirely plugged in.

The day she sent him that message she knew what the outcome would be, raw and real didn't go down well with fantasy friends.

Abby nodded as she repeated her mantra:

"This is better."

"This is much much better."

His name landed in her inbox. She brought it there, willed it to come.

She didn't flinch, she had flinched a lot lately, his words in anger, abrupt, hard, damaging.

And with his name.... She braced herself for the impact:

She expected to feel the heat spread through her body, her heart racing, her pulse quickening.

She expected the usual thrill, the rush of excitement, the tingling, the fever.

She expected to be glad, curious, tempted...

She expected so much, but nothing!

Only a calmness, a touch of relief that she was finally seeing him in a different light, that they had succeeded in redefining their connection in a way that worked for both of them.

"I don't want us to be strangers again" she wrote, "but I know we can't be friends."

She meant every word.

There are some people that you are never meant to say "Goodbye" to.

These are the people you keep close in thought, and ever so often, you get to say "Hello" and really mean it.