Jack of All

My professional life is marred by mediocrity.

I am puzzled by this.

I am not someone with an aversion to success or money. I was raised to have a strong work ethic and I tend to show up, and I’m 100% tied-in to my endeavors. I've been called talented and I have over time broadened my scope of learning and my skills set and have tried to keep up with the times and technology.

Hmmm, still...

Always in circles.

Round & round.

Forward; then back to square 1.

Everywhere but up.

Lateral moves and Plan B’s…

Hmmm…

Maybe it’s because I am an Aquarian, a dreamer?

Maybe it’s because I’m the younger sibling, the “baby”; the quiet, moody one?

It could be because I’m fickle?

Or easily bored? Or difficult?

Too demanding? Not demanding enough?

Too nice? Not ruthless in the least.

Yikes, maybe I think too much? Maybe I should think some more! Or deeper?

I could go back and make like Freud and delve into my childhood, or interpret my ever recurring mountain dream. Or I can look back over my life and see where these random negative patterns of behavior were set and positively reinforced.

Having started out my professional life on a sound foundation (A Bachelor of Arts degree with 3 majors; and a Higher Diploma in Education) I would have expected to have achieved so much more in my life.

Thinking back over a career that spanned more than 15 years, I've come to realize that the negative patterns were set many years ago. I have tackled my career without passion and I have allowed myself to be overlooked and swayed from my course. It is easier to acquiesce, to go quietly.

Don’t get me wrong, I give it my all, I work like a demon, but I will never fight for myself; others yes, but not for me. For some reason, I cannot be my own champion.

It started with my first job straight out of university: Within a few years I was “Acting Head of Department” at a school and when it came time for the appointment to be formalised, it went to someone else. Our new principal called me in and motivated her choice: a man, older, from the area, whom she thought would be "firmer, stricter, better for the status quo."

She said the next promotion would be mine.

I did not stay.

And I became good at walking away.

And so it began: Teacher – Counsellor– PA to MD … Marketing Coordinator…

Jack of all trades!

Working? Yes!

Career? No!

How can I expect success, if I do not believe that what I do; or what I have to offer, has value?

If what I do is about making a living and not creating opportunities for self-expression and growth?

If I can’t find a way for my voice and my truth to be reflected in my every working day:

Four walls.

Five days.

Endless opportunities…

Success comes with passion.

And therein lies the rub.

I have tackled my career without passion and it ends here.

I always joked : “What do I want to be when I grow up? Ask me that when I’m 50 and I still won’t know the answer."

Rather ask me now who I am and I will say with absolute clarity and conviction:

“I am Nariman, wife, mother, sister, aunt, friend … And I am passionate about photography.”

That is my truth.

It is time to whittle away at the mediocre and seek out success.