New Next Nirvana

5am.

I wake from a deep sleep.

2014 slipped quietly into history while I was sleeping.

January 1 already making it's mark on the world, flashing on phones, making 2015 official.

Like I wanted it: Progression from one year to the next seamless; time a constant, determined in it's march forward.

Fully awake now, I disengage limbs and move to find a cold spot on warm white sheets. I wriggle making myself cosy and purr like a cat. Arm stretch out looking & finding fire, making the connection. I need to feel him when I sleep, his warmth envelopes me making any bed home.

Fully awake now I stumble to the bathroom. Lights flash on, blinding me. I look at myself in the mirror, no longer afraid. Curious eyes, puffy from deep sleep. I've done the work and what I see is a brand new me, still old, but upgraded: Nariman 2.0.

In the words of the inimitable Alicia Keys:

" I'll never be perfect, but at least now i'm brave

Now, my heart is open

And I can finally breathe

Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of free

That ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of me..."

Pillow face, imprinted with lavender, etched deep on a rested canvas. I turn, shoulder revealing scars from my fall on hard, unforgiving rocks last week. Marks fading fast, faster than the scars of bruised hearts, bruised ego's, a bruised spirit. I wear these like badges of honour, it strengthens me, makes me brave.

Numb is no longer an option.

I open my arms and the world rushes in. Inspiration strikes at odd hours, in unusual places.

I head back to my sanctuary on slippered feet, the morning light filters in through summer curtains lighting my way along dark passages.

His voice carries from the warm white bed:

"Come here!" he whispers, arms open wide, body hot granite but the softest place in my world.

25 uninterrupted years.

A lifetime.

A promise made in the words of Shakespeare 24 years ago on a New Years Eve when we were still green:

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach..."

A promise kept for infinity.